stages

My recent experience in dealing with a love that's lost have brought me a lot of mixed emotions. Looking back, I could safely say that I went through the following stages:

1. Denial - I couldn't believe that she left me when I thought that our love was going to last forever. This is the hardest part of my mourning as I practically held on to a love that was no longer meant to be.

2. Anger - After the stage of denial, I was overcome with a terrible sense of anger, I was angry at her for not being patient enough, for not loving me enough, i was angry at God for letting this happen to the point of blaming Him, but I was mostly angry at myself for not being the perfect guy that she wanted me to be...

3. Grief - I finally let out all my emotions in a river of tears. Crying in a was seemed to help as it washed away all the anger and emotions that I am feeling at that very moment.

4. Reflection - I looked back to what once what and did a deep soul searching to find out what went wrong, I tried to seek the answers from her but she refused to communicate with me so what's the point. This is the time when I renewed old friendships as they served as my biggest mirror in life. This is also the time when I am slowly finding my way back to God.

5. Acceptance - I accepted my fate and the fact that she has walked out of my life. I also learned to count my blessings and this is the part where God has touched my heart. This is also the part that HE made me feel that HE loves me no matter who and what I was, am and will be...

6. Peace - I now raise and surrender everything that I was, am and will be to the will of the Lord. HE is now at the helm of my ship and I am finally finding peace and serenity and on my road to happiness.

7. Healing - I prayed to God to take away all my pain and His answer to me was "my son, I am forever with you, I am carrying you through your struggles and I have healed you of your pains..."

8. Moving on - My life is now in the hands of the Lord. I know that He will do what's best for me so I am slowly having faith. I know that in His time, everything will be alright, I will find true love, peace and happiness so all hope has not been lost. Blessed is the one who will have faith in HIM for he is truly GOD almighty. His promises are eternal and He will forever be by our side...

I now look forward to my walk in life as I know that I will never be alone from now on. I now know that GOD and Jesus Christ will be my constant companion giving me the strength to face whatever life my bring...

a new life...

Just went to church today after a very long time wholeheartedly... I just feel the need to talk to God in His home so I went to my nearest parish and poured my heart out. it is one experience that i could never forget because I haven't been really home in a very long time.

Going back to Christ has brought me a lot of mixed emotions but I was mostly afraid if He will accept me again and forgive all my sins, so for the first time in my life, I finally went back home to Christ. As I was pouring my heart out, I can feel his warm embrace welcoming me back home. I now know that life would never be the same again, a whole new world has opened up to me in more ways that one. I've finally found the peace and forgiveness that I've been looking for. It has been staring me at the face but I was too busy to notice.

God has touched my life yet again and he has brought me back from the dead... And thanks to His never ending love and grace, I am now born again. At last peace, true love and happiness is now within my reach.

change...

Spending time away from everything even for a day can truly change one's perspective on the things that are happening. I did just that when I went out of town to a place called Imus Cavite in the Philippines to spend time with a lifelong friend who I haven't gotten in touch with for a very long time. We got to talk about my recently failed relationship and he has always been a very big mirror to me...

My recent travel was about change and a chance to take a deeper look into my very soul... And it is also a way for me to gain a new perspective in life and what's been happening. I gained a lot of new insights during this trip.

I was actually feeling down and out for more than 2 weeks when that friend of mine invited me to his store out of town for me to have a change of scenery and we got to talk about the concept of change and acceptance for all that's been happening. It is a chance for me to do a little deep soul searching and try to make sense in everything...

I am just glad that there are others out there who really care for me. I'm still glad that I somehow still have my friends. And I'm glad that I manage to talk to this one as nobody knows me better that he does. At the end of the day, I am slowly finding peace and acceptance in all of this and now I am really ready to start learning to move on and live my life without her. Now I am ready to start picking up the pieces to start building a better life.

I just pray that I will one day find true love and happiness and I pray that if that day should come, I will finally be ready to embrace it with all my heart. As for the moment, I need to just learn to be content and play the cards I've been dealt with and turn all this around into something positive and productive.

I have now realized that the road to true peace and happiness should begin from within. All my life, I have been trying so hard to make other people happy so I can feel accepted never realizing that it is hurting me even more.

So now, a new chapter of my life is opening and I am looking forward to what this may bring. I know that God will be here to guide me as in a way, He never really did abandon me. I was just too stubborn to listen to His guidance. Maybe it's about time that I start to learn to listen...